Pretty Much Done

pretty much tired
pretty much broken.

Why can't you realize?

It's been a while. You promised me like you'd never break it anymore, and what? Why did you make it so clear when in the end you'd do the same? I wanted to see you and you didn't even have time. You wanted to see me and I even had so many times. When you were sick, I felt worried. I admit that I was busy and I still had time. "apa sih yg nggak buat lo, selagi gue bisa kasih dan itu wajar untuk dikasih?"

A conversation about the girl and the boy who have been in a relationship for about 19 months.

G: "I miss you."
B: "I miss you too."
G: "When was the last time we met?"
B: "Idk, about 2 weeks ago."
G: "When will we meet?"
B: "If we both have time."
G: "Do you have time for me?"
B: "Idk, but I'll try then." *he actually doesn't*

1 week later

B: "Does this Sunday fit you?"
G: "For what?"
B: "I don't go anywhere and I decide to come to your house."
G: "Idk, daddy asked me to visit Thousand Islands. But I probably won't follow him."
B: "Why?"
G: "You said you wanted to come?"
B: "Oh, yes. Tell me later if you have time."
G: "I always have."
B: "Ok."

2 days later

G: "I miss you so much. Really."
B: "Me too."
G: "When will we meet? Next week?" (this girl tests his boy if he remembers or not)
B: "Yes.."
G: (with a broken heart) "Too lame.. I miss you already"
B: "Me too." (he keeps saying same thing)

The next morning

G: "Hi. Good morning."
B: "Morning, sweety."
G: "Morning"
B: "Morning."
G: "I miss you so much, and I wanna meet you. It's like, it's just me who really wants to meet and you.. don't."
B: "Godness, I wanna meet you too"
G: "Do you have time for me?"
B: "I don't know but I try I'll always have"
G: "I asked do you have time for me?"
B: "I tried, and actually I don't"
G: (sighing) (refrain herself to cry) "That's actually I wanted to hear from you.."
B: "But I keep trying, hey listen......."
G: "Why do you never understand what I want?" (began to cry) "I have never asked you for the things I think you can't do.."
B: "Well I'm sorry"
G: "I don't wanna get hurt anymore for the another time.."
B: "Yes, I understand"
G: "I won't turn on this phone, really."
G: "If you miss me, do it by your own."
B: "Why?! You don't love me?"
G: "Idk. Bye."

If you were the girl, what would you feel?
And if you were the boy, what would you do?

Leaving 85 XXII

Just wanna say hello for today, and good bye..

I'm officially a senior high school student now. And that means I'm not longer using my old uniforms, I mean white-blue (putih-biru) or also known as junior high's. I'm not longer going to 85 JHS, it's time to say hello for 49 SHS..

I'm so sad after knowing this is the last day of my 2 months holiday. I'm not so ready to have a new life in high school :-( separate from my boyfie, I know it's a bit hard. Well but I'm trying to face this, it's one of my goal actually. Who can stand? If you're in the same school with your bf/gf for 6 years. No that won't happen anymore. He has the right to know the 'world' without me. I keep watching him thru the distance. I trust.........yea I do. :_)

I'm actually a bit curious how senior high will be. How my new friends there, and the biggest question is;

"Can I meet or even have really close friends there, just like the way I did..?"

I can't answer. Time will. Or school will. Ah.....why does life have to be really quick like this? I don't wanna grow up. I wanna be forever young. 1 thing that I'm so afraid of is, I'm afraid if he meets a girl who has a better 'everything' than me. And..will he fall for her? Forgetting me? Ignoring me? Etc? Will he? Will you?

If I know he won't, I won't post this.. or even say the things I shouldn't. Good bye my old life. Let's just start a new page, Senior High School here I come!

Random

I just found some pictures that reminds me of something happened one year ago. The pics are same, I just captured it too much (-_-) and well.. if you wanna see, here's the pic :-)

Maybe one of you will say "OMG that's hyperbole." OK I may will say the same, but don't you know it has thousands meaning of......love? We were in fight, I think. And as always, I was too selfish. I couldn't even say any words to him, I just read the messages and leave. Maybe I was too mad, by some unexpected reasons.

Personally, I trust him a lot. But when I'm in a process to gaining more trust, he breaks it professionally. Just imagine if you get the same. Yea it might be cause of some unimportant reasons, but it still hurts somehow. And now I'm confused which side I have to follow.

Sometimes, I feel like "Oh, he's fine. I wish nothing would make some fights anymore." but after I feel like that, unwanted-thing happens. Like, small fight or just 'no trust feeling anymore'. I don't really know what he does behind me. I try to always trust what he says, but....just think. "You can have love without trust first, but once that trust is broken....." fill the incomplete sentence by yourself. This trust--is broken more than 2 times. So then? :-(

Actually, this is my only dream and I really want if this happens for both of us.............................OH PARIS.

I've always wanted to visit this beautiful city, and definitely with him. You see, it has always been everyone's dream. Yea it's not as big as Indonesia, or maybe China. But there's something that makes me even interested to come to Paris..

Eiffel Tower..so beautiful. I imagine if someday I could hold your hand and walk together with you, talk about little things while walking around the garden of this tower. And then we sit, on the ground..talk about the bigger things. Maybe about our next plan, future, and others. It would be so much worth it...and if someday you'd marry me. We'd make faithfully promise to live forever after together..build our dream house..and others.

Muhammad Rory Aryansyah, please stay here. I wanna spend this whole life with you since February 12th 2010 until the end. Since I knew you and recognized each other..please be my future prince..and the one who able to always hold these hand forever :')

My Heart Voices

Again and again... over and over again. Seriously I got tired of being like this. I may don't deserve the best, but I deserve what's good for you. I'm sooooo not in a good mood today. I thought today would be the day I'd been waiting for..but something crashed it just in a few minutes. God I don't really know what to say then. I just can't believe why he did the same for the second times...

Ah. So my thoughts were true..just too true. It happens even I don't want to. I've got such a beautiful nightmare, in a reality. GOD WHY GOD? Can't you understand, I'm too patient of getting hurt. Relax........being hurt is my daily . I get used with this, though . If a fairy mother asked me what I wanted, it would be this.

"I need someone who can understand me, no matter about my good or bad sides they are. I need someone who loves me the way I am, keeps my feeling as well as I keep his. I definitely don't know what's love, and I need someone who can make me feel 'love' in a simple way. And if someone's a plan to hurt me, make him realize if I do the same--and it might be more painful than the way I feel."

It just happens in a fairy tale..not in this crap life.

PS. Here's the one which easily boosts my mood

*Haagen dazs..me love you*

Something I Always Hide From People

I am me. 14 years old girl who recently tries to love someone. Feeling hurt, it's my daily. I'm technically taken, by someone. From days to days, this feeling is growing even more. Love and always want to be loved. I'm jealousy, it's really me. I honestly hate seeing him talk with other girls. I don't really like if he has a conversation with a girl. My bad habit is just one. 'Loving someone without boundaries'. I give and forgive. He gets and forget. I'm actually not a typical of romantic person. I suck people. I try to make some girls avoiding him--not because I forbid him to hang out, but I'm just too afraid of losing him for the third times.

Dissapointment.

Ini bisa dibilang cobaan sebelum ujian..

On the beginning of April. I was down.

dan sekarang.........udah nggak ngedown, tapi bener-bener kecewa setengah mampus. Jadi ceritanya bermula dari tawaran beli kunci jawaban buat ujian. Gue akuin, wkt itu emang ada salah satu dr temen gue yg nawarin gue buat beli kunci itu. Dan temen-temen jg pd bilang "Kalo buat ujian nanti mau gak mau lo harus pegang, biar nilai lo ga kalah sama yg pada pake kunci."

I realized, it's a bad advice. You think, I go to school everyday just valued by an answer key? Dan akhirnya gue memustukan untuk bertanya kepada orang-orang yang gue anggep mereka adalah panutan hidup gue.

First, I asked someone who has been my love. Dan.......mengejutkan. tenyata dia beli!!!!!!! My Godness.. I was so speechless. He's my life compass, but...why did he do like that? Dan setelah gue tanya temen-temen deket gue, none of them bought the answer key. What the hell.......

Jujur aja, setelah gue nanya gitu ke org yg pertama gue tanyain, gue bener-bener kecewa. My daddy said "Don't follow your friends, follow your heart. Though your friends bought, try to not buying it. God's with honest people, and you must be proud of yourself if you get good score by yourself, right?"

I just can't seem to believe.. td pagi gue chat sama org itu. Dan..emg chat nya ngga ngenakkin. Setelah kita chat beberapa lama, akhirnya pada saling emosi. 1 hal yg bikin gue makin kecewa.......org itu ngebentak gue berkali-kali, bukan sekali dua kali. Menyakitkan, lo harus tau he has promised me to change as a better person. Inilah salah satu tweet nya tanggal 11 Februari 2011;

Se badmood2 nya gw, gw gk mau ngelampiasin ke orang yg gw sayang

11 Feb via Twitter for BlackBerry®

kalian semua bisa baca, kan? "Sebadmood-badmood nya gue, gue gak mau ngelampiasin ke orang yg gue sayang". And now, hey..............apa itu bisa terbukti setelah dia ngebentak-bentak gue? FYI, dia cowok.

I've been hurting for so many times. And stupidly, I always forgive. I don't think like; 'He's gonna do the same, later'. Sekarang bisa dibilang gue digantungin. Tadi emang gue delete bbm nya, gak lama setelah itu dia ngeadd lagi dan gue accept. Setelah gue accept, langsung gue sapa. Dan belum dibales. Hm..........if he doesn't wanna be mine anymore, I believe someday I'll get a better one. My life is a long journey, and I shouldn't stuck on one person. "Treat your girl well, or another man will." I'm still a teenanger who needs happiness, not a pain. :')

PS. for someone who may feels this post is for you.......I wish you understood.

...

halo..............

to the point aja. assalamualaikum wrwb. jd skrg ini gue lg super bimbang, antara urusan blablabla dgn setumpuk ujian2 di sklh yg menanti. intinya, ada sesuatu yg menganjel antara gue dan blablabla, and that obviously SO hurts me. ini disebabkan oleh seseorang (dia bkn org ke tiga) tp nusuk gue dr blkg gidudeeeee. ya intinya itu sajah, last night we broke up tp td pg udh balikkan -_- but i think im on the wrong way. gue ngga tau kdpnnya gmn, i just wanna have a better life than this! without you im still alive and have a life O:) dan fokus ujian nasional, kl bs msk 28 deh ehehehehe. daa see u next time

Girl's Languange

Found it on Tumblr. I re-posted it because it's just so damn true.

New Idol!!

Greyson Chance. He's super fucking damn cute.............

Wikipedia says:

"Greyson Michael Chance (born August 16, 1997) is an American singer and pianist whose April 2010 performance of Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" at a sixth-grade music festival became a hit on YouTube, gaining over 37 million views. Two of his original compositions, "Stars" and "Broken Hearts", gained over 4 and 6 million views respectively on his YouTube channel. His debut single, "Waiting Outside the Lines," was released in October 2010."

So, we can conclude that he's just same like Justin Bieber. The difference is, he performed Lady Gaga's. But.........in my mind Greyson is a lot better than Bieber *no offense fans, everyone has different opinion jsyk *

Greyson has a debut single called 'Waiting Outside The Lines', relased in 2010. He already nominated for several awards, and won one of them.

1. Teen Choice Award, nominated as a "Choice Web Star". (2010)
2. J-14 Teen Icon Award, nominated as a "Icon of Tomorrow". (2010)
3. Hollywood Teen TV Award, won as a "Teen Pick: Youtube Artist". (2010)
   
4. People's Choice Award, nominated as a "Favorite Viral Video Star". (2011)

Greyson Chance was recently interviewed by Marie Morreale of Scholastic.

Q: Have you woken up from the dream? All of this happened so quickly.

Greyson: I want to do as much as I can, and contribute to it as much as I can. Do as many interviews as I need, and stuff like that. So yeah I’m really excited. It’s just great.

Q: When you were younger did you know that you wanted to be in the music profession?

Greyson: I knew I always wanted to sing, but when I was younger I didn’t know I could make a career out of it. But when I saw Lady Gaga at the VMA’s I was like, “That’s what I want to do right there.” So yeah. It’s always pretty much been my dream.

Q: When did you start playing the piano?

Greyson: Three or four years ago. And it’s kind of a funny story. I’d take tape and put it on the keys, and I’d write C,D,E,F,G and so on the books that I had. So then I learned how to read music, and then I started reading, and then I started taking lessons.

Q: Where did you get the inspiration [for your original songs] “Broken Hearts” and “Stars?”

Greyson: Well, “Broken Hearts” is actually about two girls, and I lived through that.

Ratha: Oops – I bet they’re sorry now!

Greyson: And “Stars” is actually about two people in love, and the wife passes away and then the husband goes after her. It’s about the heavens. It’s kind of like – the sequel to The Notebook. Which is really weird. I don’t know, but it’s the sequel to me!

Ratha: Nice! Nicholas Sparks should get in touch with you!

Q: What’s the best part of living in Oklahoma?

Greyson: I think the people. Everybody’s just really nice and really sincere. Oh and the traffic. It’s not bad at all. No traffic.

Q: What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked in an interview?

Greyson: I was at the Twilight premiere and one of the reporters asked me, “How does it feel to be a part of the Twilight cast?” I’m like, “I’m not part of the cast.” So she looks down at this piece of paper and then she’s like, “Whoa, who are you?” I was like, “My name’s Greyson.” It was a train wreck, but it was so funny.

Ratha: Hilarious!! Wait a minute, how did you get into the Twilight premiere? Can you get me in to the next one? Pretty please?

Q: How would you describe your musical style?

Greyson: On the album right now, it’s like pop-rock. We have the dance songs, and rock ballads, and songs that’ll make you cry. There’s just such a wide variety, and that’s what I listen to. I love the way the album is coming along. Great, I think.

I believe someday he'll stand in front of the audiences, on Grammy. Maybe about 5 or more years later.....who knows

And also, I found some cute pics of him.

*tongue out? that's really nice of you, Greyson..*

*super fucking cute...cant really stand of him %$&#@()&*

*aw.....you look so charming here*

Oh God, someone who could be Greyson's love would be so lucky.......I swear

I Won't Shut The Fuck Up

^&*(%$^#@^$@*&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's nothing I can say omg I'm about to lose my mind. I'm over mad ryte naw my mood is OVER BAD. So many things ruined my days, one of them is YOU!!!!! All boys around the world IS SAME, and it's proven! OMG I WONT SHUT THE F*CK UP!!

I have WORKED really hard to make some things in order to try making him HAPPY and now I-GOT-THIZZZZZ? lets burry myself..............or should i burry you?

So there's no point. There's A DOUBT, the truth that you've made me FEEL OVER JEALOUS. HA HA funny. If I never feel that, is it a hint that I'm not loving you anymore?




.......still a mistery. I'm going to invisible for a little while, AND TRY MAKING YOU REALIZE....you've done the worst thing ever