Something I Always Hide From People

I am me. 14 years old girl who recently tries to love someone. Feeling hurt, it's my daily. I'm technically taken, by someone. From days to days, this feeling is growing even more. Love and always want to be loved. I'm jealousy, it's really me. I honestly hate seeing him talk with other girls. I don't really like if he has a conversation with a girl. My bad habit is just one. 'Loving someone without boundaries'. I give and forgive. He gets and forget. I'm actually not a typical of romantic person. I suck people. I try to make some girls avoiding him--not because I forbid him to hang out, but I'm just too afraid of losing him for the third times.

Dissapointment.

Ini bisa dibilang cobaan sebelum ujian..

On the beginning of April. I was down.

dan sekarang.........udah nggak ngedown, tapi bener-bener kecewa setengah mampus. Jadi ceritanya bermula dari tawaran beli kunci jawaban buat ujian. Gue akuin, wkt itu emang ada salah satu dr temen gue yg nawarin gue buat beli kunci itu. Dan temen-temen jg pd bilang "Kalo buat ujian nanti mau gak mau lo harus pegang, biar nilai lo ga kalah sama yg pada pake kunci."

I realized, it's a bad advice. You think, I go to school everyday just valued by an answer key? Dan akhirnya gue memustukan untuk bertanya kepada orang-orang yang gue anggep mereka adalah panutan hidup gue.

First, I asked someone who has been my love. Dan.......mengejutkan. tenyata dia beli!!!!!!! My Godness.. I was so speechless. He's my life compass, but...why did he do like that? Dan setelah gue tanya temen-temen deket gue, none of them bought the answer key. What the hell.......

Jujur aja, setelah gue nanya gitu ke org yg pertama gue tanyain, gue bener-bener kecewa. My daddy said "Don't follow your friends, follow your heart. Though your friends bought, try to not buying it. God's with honest people, and you must be proud of yourself if you get good score by yourself, right?"

I just can't seem to believe.. td pagi gue chat sama org itu. Dan..emg chat nya ngga ngenakkin. Setelah kita chat beberapa lama, akhirnya pada saling emosi. 1 hal yg bikin gue makin kecewa.......org itu ngebentak gue berkali-kali, bukan sekali dua kali. Menyakitkan, lo harus tau he has promised me to change as a better person. Inilah salah satu tweet nya tanggal 11 Februari 2011;

Se badmood2 nya gw, gw gk mau ngelampiasin ke orang yg gw sayang

11 Feb via Twitter for BlackBerry®

kalian semua bisa baca, kan? "Sebadmood-badmood nya gue, gue gak mau ngelampiasin ke orang yg gue sayang". And now, hey..............apa itu bisa terbukti setelah dia ngebentak-bentak gue? FYI, dia cowok.

I've been hurting for so many times. And stupidly, I always forgive. I don't think like; 'He's gonna do the same, later'. Sekarang bisa dibilang gue digantungin. Tadi emang gue delete bbm nya, gak lama setelah itu dia ngeadd lagi dan gue accept. Setelah gue accept, langsung gue sapa. Dan belum dibales. Hm..........if he doesn't wanna be mine anymore, I believe someday I'll get a better one. My life is a long journey, and I shouldn't stuck on one person. "Treat your girl well, or another man will." I'm still a teenanger who needs happiness, not a pain. :')

PS. for someone who may feels this post is for you.......I wish you understood.

...

halo..............

to the point aja. assalamualaikum wrwb. jd skrg ini gue lg super bimbang, antara urusan blablabla dgn setumpuk ujian2 di sklh yg menanti. intinya, ada sesuatu yg menganjel antara gue dan blablabla, and that obviously SO hurts me. ini disebabkan oleh seseorang (dia bkn org ke tiga) tp nusuk gue dr blkg gidudeeeee. ya intinya itu sajah, last night we broke up tp td pg udh balikkan -_- but i think im on the wrong way. gue ngga tau kdpnnya gmn, i just wanna have a better life than this! without you im still alive and have a life O:) dan fokus ujian nasional, kl bs msk 28 deh ehehehehe. daa see u next time